It has been a while since I’ve felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude in the simplicity of life. As I reflect, this past year (without getting into all of the things that I’ve experienced) has been overwhelmingly and exceedingly epic for me with little time to reflect on my growth overall. It’s almost as if I have been going through all the motions of self-growth without actually knowing what parts of me are growing. It is hard, in a sense, to take the time to slow down and enjoy the microseconds and give full gratitude for all of the things that has kept my heart abundant this year. I feel like in seeking solace for certain pains and discomfort, I kept reaching for more challenges so that I wouldn’t have to settle into the truth of what I was running from. In a sense, I’ve spiraled a little bit and lost a part of my core that has kept me so strong. I have lost my sense of gratitude towards all of the human beings that have helped to shape my core.
In the journey to find myself, I was at one point completely lost because I was faced with the task to denounce my relationship with toxic people in my life. This was a painful journey and one that I could not complete. I was seeking knowledge from a therapist, who affirmed me. However, in relishing that affirmation, I did not affirm my own beliefs. Through therapy, I have, however, learned to recognize the behaviors I will not tolerate. I have recently come to the deep understanding that in order to banish toxicity, I must first rid myself of toxic beliefs. Though people can participate in toxic behaviors, I have full control of whether or not I let that toxicity affect me. In light of dealing with many adverse situations growing up, I have most definitely been given a wealth of compassion towards others. I realized, that I cannot truly heal from my past by simply punishing the people who cause it. I can however, set the boundaries for their behaviors by focusing and absorbing only the lightness of what both they and I need to heal (ex: spreading kind words, only acknowledging their positive statements, etc).
So it is, that sense of gratitude towards all humans, especially the ones who challenge us. Of course, it’s always easy to give gratitude to those who give and receive love easily. As I can be quite a guarded and careful individual, I am working to be more compassionate and affirming to myself first. I am infinitely grateful for the opportunities the universe provides us to practice love. Now, I must stay grounded to work hard to stay grateful for even the most challenging of people and situations.